i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
