I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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