it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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