New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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