so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
