Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize