sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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