God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
