I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
