You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
