grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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