He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
