I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
