I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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