Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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