Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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