Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
