if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize