Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
