I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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