I think I am morally bankrupt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
