it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize