And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
