It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
