my phone needs a breathalizer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
