I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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