On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize