hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
