she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think my moral compass just broke
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
