I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
