I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
