so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
