Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
