I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
