sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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