I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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