Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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