apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
