i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
