our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
