the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
