Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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