There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
