You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
