Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
