do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
