I should be sponsored by Trojan
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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