Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
