grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize