I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
