I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
