no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
