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Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
