the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
