I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
