Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
