I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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