Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
