Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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