So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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