Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
