Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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