I cannot find my penis.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
