Can i not drive my cunt home
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
