anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
