shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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