About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
