Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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